at the North-gate.
Go, sirrah, find him out. Come, Valentine.
O my dear Silvia! Hapless Valentine!
I am but a fool, look you; and yet I have the wit to
think my master is a kind of a knave: but that's
all one, if he be but one knave. He lives not now
that knows me to be in love; yet I am in love; but a
team of horse shall not pluck that from me; nor who
'tis I love; and yet 'tis a woman; but what woman, I
will not tell myself; and yet 'tis a milkmaid; yet
'tis not a maid, for she hath had gossips; yet 'tis
a maid, for she is her master's maid, and serves for
wages. She hath more qualities than a water-spaniel;
which is much in a bare Christian.
Here is the cate-log of her condition.
'Imprimis: She can fetch and carry.' Why, a horse
can do no more: nay, a horse cannot fetch, but only
carry; therefore is she better than a jade. 'Item:
She can milk;' look you, a sweet virtue in a maid
with clean hands.
How now, Signior Launce! what news with your
mastership?
With my master's ship? why, it is at sea.
Well, your old vice still; mistake the word. What
news, then, in your paper?
The blackest news that ever thou heardest.
Why, man, how black?
Why, as black as ink.
Let me read them.
Fie on thee, jolt-head! thou canst not read.
Thou liest; I can.
I will try thee. Tell me this: who begot thee?
Marry, the son of my grandfather.
O illiterate loiterer! it was the son of thy
grandmother: this proves that thou canst not read.
Come, fool, come; try me in thy paper.
There; and St. Nicholas be thy speed!
'Imprimis: She can milk.'
Ay, that she can.
'Item: She brews good ale.'
And thereof comes the proverb: 'Blessing of your
heart, you brew good ale.'
'Item: She can sew.'
That's as much as to say, Can she so?
'Item: She can knit.'
What need a man care for a stock with a wench, when
she can knit him a stock?
'Item: She can wash and scour.'
A special virtue: for then she need not be washed
and scoured.
'Item: She can spin.'
Then may I set the world on wheels, when she can
spin for her living.
'Item: She hath many nameless virtues.'
That's as much as