to say, bastard virtues; that, indeed, know not their fathers and therefore have no names. 'Here follow her vices.' Close at the heels of her virtues. 'Item: She is not to be kissed fasting in respect of her breath.' Well, that fault may be mended with a breakfast. Read on. 'Item: She hath a sweet mouth.' That makes amends for her sour breath. 'Item: She doth talk in her sleep.' It's no matter for that, so she sleep not in her talk. 'Item: She is slow in words.' O villain, that set this down among her vices! To be slow in words is a woman's only virtue: I pray thee, out with't, and place it for her chief virtue. 'Item: She is proud.' Out with that too; it was Eve's legacy, and cannot be ta'en from her. 'Item: She hath no teeth.' I care not for that neither, because I love crusts. 'Item: She is curst.' Well, the best is, she hath no teeth to bite. 'Item: She will often praise her liquor.' If her liquor be good, she shall: if she will not, I will; for good things should be praised. 'Item: She is too liberal.' Of her tongue she cannot, for that's writ down she is slow of; of her purse she shall not, for that I'll keep shut: now, of another thing she may, and that cannot I help. Well, proceed. 'Item: She hath more hair than wit, and more faults than hairs, and more wealth than faults.' Stop there; I'll have her: she was mine, and not mine, twice or thrice in that last article. Rehearse that once more. 'Item: She hath more hair than wit,'-- More hair than wit? It may be; I'll prove it. The cover of the salt hides the salt, and therefore it is more than the salt; the hair that covers the wit is more than the wit, for the greater hides the less. What's next? 'And more faults than hairs,'-- That's monstrous: O, that that were out! 'And more wealth than faults.' Why, that word makes the faults gracious. Well, I'll have her; and if it be a match, as nothing is impossible,-- What then? Why, then will I tell thee--that thy master stays for thee at the North-gate. For me? For thee! ay, who art thou? he hath stayed for a better man than thee. And must I go to him? Thou must run to him,